Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Digital Art / Professional Official Beta Tester C.W. GrahamFemale/United States Groups :icondown-with-yaoi: Down-With-Yaoi
Filtering to stop the strife!
Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
10 Month Core Membership
Statistics 1,457 Deviations 35,338 Comments 404,632 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Random Favourites


 photo smaugcolbert_zpscqlmatfl.gif
 photo smaug-stephen2_zpsfodqvqgu.gif


Fri Aug 21, 2015, 5:56 PM
What can I say? Deviantart's become essentially a cyberslum dystopia of many idiots.
Thu Aug 20, 2015, 6:33 PM
I don't give lessons.
Tue Aug 4, 2015, 1:00 AM
Do you do lessons? I cannot remember which journal you posted it in but I think you mentioned something about people wanting to have lessons on how to use PhotoShop.
Mon Jul 20, 2015, 4:01 PM
Too many stupid people.
Tue Jul 7, 2015, 8:56 PM
Cool!!! A shout box! YAY!!!
Wed Jan 28, 2015, 6:23 PM
throw cake at somebody?
Thu Nov 20, 2014, 6:45 PM
Really, I need a reason to feel jaded about something?
Wed May 14, 2014, 7:06 PM
I dunno.
Wed Mar 26, 2014, 5:43 AM
...did my post on the Charred image to that one guy not go through?
Sat Mar 22, 2014, 9:35 AM


Scream into the Void

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 8, 2015, 11:20 PM

You know, well...I've discovered that there is this app that allows people to pretty much give star ratings to people they know.

It's called Peeple...

And it is a TERRIBLE idea.

Because well, the Internet is already a cesspool of everything horrifying we can think of, I don't think we need to have our friends and family rating us.

I mean that could open a whole door of worms right there. Forget about the can!

But luckily John Oliver has created something rather awesome.

It's called Scream into the Void  and it allows you to pretty much type up the most horrific thing you can imagine, click the button and watch it just disappear.

So, I suggest this site over that awful idea of rating people.

It makes more sense than that, right?

Journal Layout by lockjavv
  • Listening to: Here I Am (Rock you like a hurricane)
  • Reading: The Hobbit
  • Watching: WTFIWWY
  • Playing: Bejeweled
  • Eating: Broccoli stir-fry
  • Drinking: Vanilla Coke


C.W. Graham
Artist | Professional | Digital Art
United States
I bite.

Current Residence: Radioactive Armpit of Tennessee
Favourite genre of music: Rock
Favourite style of art: Cartooning
Operating System: Windows XP and Mac OS X
MP3 player of choice: iPod Classic
Favourite cartoon character: Daffey Duck
Personal Quote: It's my opinion and I'm sticking to it!


Scream into the Void

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 8, 2015, 11:20 PM

You know, well...I've discovered that there is this app that allows people to pretty much give star ratings to people they know.

It's called Peeple...

And it is a TERRIBLE idea.

Because well, the Internet is already a cesspool of everything horrifying we can think of, I don't think we need to have our friends and family rating us.

I mean that could open a whole door of worms right there. Forget about the can!

But luckily John Oliver has created something rather awesome.

It's called Scream into the Void  and it allows you to pretty much type up the most horrific thing you can imagine, click the button and watch it just disappear.

So, I suggest this site over that awful idea of rating people.

It makes more sense than that, right?

Journal Layout by lockjavv
  • Listening to: Here I Am (Rock you like a hurricane)
  • Reading: The Hobbit
  • Watching: WTFIWWY
  • Playing: Bejeweled
  • Eating: Broccoli stir-fry
  • Drinking: Vanilla Coke

0534 Hours, November 19, 5079 (Military Calendar)\Shadow of Darkness/Alpha Sagittarii System

    Exiting Slipstream Space in five,began Helmsman Joli Hennes. Four, three, two, one…”

    Supreme Commander Telek Heros glanced up at the sound of the engines of the Shadow of Darkness beginning to slow as they dropped out of the blackness of Slipstream Space.  He tapped a few times on the console of his command chair.

    All ships report in,he called.

    “Divine Journey standing by.”

    Holy Justice standing by.

    Righteous Fury standing by.

    Regret and Reconciliation standing by.

    Transcending Vigilance standing by.

    Temporal transference successful, Excellency,informed Joli.

    Were here?Telek asked as the screen came up with the view of the third planet in the Alpha Sagittarii System.  In Earth folklore, the B-class dwarf star was called Rukbat Alrami, the Archers Knee.  Unlike most star systems belonging to the UNSC, Alpha Sagittarii was not located in the Orion Arm of the Milky Way; it was located in the Sagittarius Arm.

    Yes, Supreme Commander,replied Rolu. The Luminary is picking up Forerunner artifacts on the eccentric red planet passing through that Oort Cloud.

    Do what, now?Telek asked, hopping up from his seat.

    Forerunner artifacts, Excellency,said Rolu.

    I can confirm that,said Cujo, Shipmaster of the Reverence-class battle cruiser Divine Journey. Forerunner artifacts.  Luminarys says that planet is lighting up like crazy with them.  I suggest we check it out.

    Well handle that later,Telek replied. Right now, Ive gotta deal with the distress signal.  At last, I found him.  52 parsecs from Earth and 2500 solar cycles from our starting point.  Whats the year we in now?

    This is Earth calendar year 5079 C.E., Excellency,said Rolu.

    Long trip from home,said Telek. Both our homes.

    Sanghelios is probably very different now,said Joli.

    Very different,said Telek. Look, we all knew if we came here, there would be a chance we may not return home.  To Earth or Sanghelios.

    As we have went forward through time, we could go backwards,said Rolu.

    Maybe,Telek shrugged. Our engines werent designed for this sort of thing, though.  As soon as we make contact, well need to check their function.

    I know that Earth definitely may be different, said Tom Jimenez, Captain of the CCS battlecruiser Transcending Vigilance.  Telek could hear a hint of dismay in the human’s voice.

    Then if we do return to our own time, lets make absolute sure that we will not go find either planets while we are in this one,Telek rumbled. Its better that we dont know what may have occurred over the 2500 years, Tom.

    Yes, sir,Tom agreed.

    Distress signal is strong, Excellency,said Rolu. And it is definitely UNSC.  It has an encryption…”

    An encryption no doubt only for us to find and no one else,said Telek. Any energy signatures coming from the third planet?

    Three,replied Joli. UNSC ships.

    “Keep our distance and magnify those ships,” Telek commanded.  He watched as the holo-screen before him zoomed in on the three ships.  One particular ship caught his eyes.  It was a Phoenix-class war ship/carrier. “Closer on the larger ship, Joli.”

    Upon closer examination, Telek saw written in bold white letters Yokohama on the side.

    Ill be damned,Telek chuckled, a grin spreading across his mandibles. Admiral Paul Bendens ship.  So, he did make it safely after all.  But its been 2500 years…”

    Those ships show activity,said Cujo. Recent activity.

    Who the hell would want to go into those old ships?Telek asked. And activate them?

    Kiryuu, said Tom. “It has to be President Knight’s doing.”

    Of course,Telek sighed. Kiryuu. Are we cloaked?

    Yes, Excellency,said Joli.

    Good,said Telek. The only energy signature is coming from those three ships.  From what the message said, the descendants of the original refugees had not held Tier 3 technology in a long time.  Seeing a ship like mine might scare the shit outta them.

    2500 years, Excellency,informed Rolu. It is possible that the Spartan may not be alive now.

    At least well get some answers from Kiryuu,said Telek. After all, its because of him were here.

    There appears to be a lot of plasma scoring on the surface of the Yokohama,said Joli. Looks like there had been a battle since they arrived here.”  He glanced back at Telek. Possibly from what was left of the Covenant.

    Forerunner technology just a hop, skip, and a jump away,said Telek, looking back at a holographic screen that showed the strange red planet.  He got up and walked over to the debriefing table and pulled up several holographic images showing where precisely the Forerunner technology was located on the red planet.  The screen showed a topographic overlay of the rocky, jagged surface.  Leaning down on his hands, he studied the image closely.  The outline vector of a familiar object came up in red.  It was wedged in a large canyon gash that etched its way several thousand miles across the surface.  Then, he took note of two peculiar craters near the canyon, both were separated by several hundreds of miles, but occurring in the same canyon.  Those were not meteor impacts, they were caused by something else.  Telek turned his head away and returned his eyes to the red outline.

    I think Ive found the missing half of the Forward Unto Dawn,he began. Of course well need to scout around to be sure.  But I think I found how Kiryuu got here.  And its so close to the Forerunner artifacts.”  He leaned up. Alright.  Lets make contact and find out just what happened here.

    He lowered himself back into his seat and began to send out a message, hoping for another reply.  Within about 10 minutes, a reply came.  Joli decrypted the message.

>I am located down on the Southern Continent.  These are the coordinates.  Bring a cloaked Phantom and stay cloaked yourself.  You will find the Administration Building.  Sneak passed the guards but do not harm them.  I will keep the signal going which will lead you to the elevator to the sub-levels of the base.  There is a code you must enter at the keypad.  2544 is the code.

    Well, thats it,Telek said. Ill take the Phantom down.  All of you, keep yourselves cloaked and do not enter the atmosphere.  If I need help, Ill call.

    He glanced back just as Spec Ops Commander Shri Canthon walked into the bridge.

    Youre not going without me and my Sangheili,she crossed her arms.

    Yes, I am,Telek growled.

    Bullshit,Shri clacked her mandibles. Infiltrating landing parties are supposed to contrive of one lance of Spec Ops warriors and one Commander.

    I am in charge, Shri,Telek growled. What I say goes.  Youre not going.  Im going alone.

    Up here you are,she said. On the ship you are.  In the fleet you are, down there youre notSupreme Commander.   Or have you forgotten those protocols?

    I havent,Telek said. But I am also a Spec Ops Warrior myself, you know that.

    Were,she said. Now youre not, Telek.

    I still havent lost my edge,said Telek.

    But youre getting up there in years,said Shri. Youre not as fast or as stealthy as you used to be.  Youll need a lance of fast and stealthy Sangheili to assist you.  Ysoa and I will go with our lance.  Also, as protocol dictates, no Supreme Commander is to leave the ship unescorted.

    So, basically youre telling me Im getting old,Telek snorted.

    If the Depend adult underwear fits…” Shri placed her hands on her hips.

    Nice…” the Supreme Commander growled. Fine, you can come.  But youre lucky I dont court martial you for such a statement, Commander.  I may be getting old, but Im not incontinent.

    Shri chuckled as she moved aside while Telek walked passed her, picking up the trailing edge of the shimmering metallic, deep violet cloak he wore from the ground.  She then stepped up and followed him down the many levels of the massive Shadow of Darkness.  

    Good luck, Telek,whispered a voice echoing through the corridor of the ship.

    Dont you start sticking your nose into things you shouldnt while Im gone, Casper,Telek growled, catching a ghostly, shimmering shape pass over him.

    You know that I wont, the voice replied. “But it’s important to me that I know he’s alright.  I can sense him down there.”

    Kiryuu is down there?he asked, turning around as the phantom-like image became solid, taking the shape of a silver and blue Western Dragon.  The dragon was the Free Spirit of Dunkelzahn.  After 8 years since the war ended, the Western Dragon ghost still insisted that he remain with Telek until he found Kiryuu.

    I have no doubts on it, Telek, Dunkelzahn replied.

    Youre Phylactery is in my quarters, Mr. Dead President,Telek said. When I know its safe, Ill bring you down with me on the next trip.  I just hope youre right.  I wonder what happened to Kiryuu after all these centuries.

    I sense his loneliness despite having the descendants to talk to, Dunkelzahn said. “And his sadness.  He blames himself for something.  Unfortunately, I don’t know what it is.  He’s a boiling pot of emotions right now.”

    I dont know if thats good or bad,Telek shrugged.

    Telek, lets go!Shri called. Sorry, President Dunkelzahn.  We just cant waste time.

    Do find out what troubles him, Telek, he urged. “You know how I worry.”

    I swear to God youre worse than my mother,Telek snorted which brought a chuckle to the ghost.  Dunkelzahns ethereal image disappeared like a wisp of smoke being dispersed.  Telek turned around and headed back down the corridor.

    The moment they got to the Phantom launch bay, Telek tossed his violet cloak to a red-armored Major Domo who simply bowed and backed away with it.  He glanced over as Ysoa and Shri with their lance of black and dark blue armored Special Operations Sangheili warriors.  Telek got into the Phantom and headed for the cockpit and seated himself behind the pilot and the copilot red-armored Major Domo Sangheili.

    Docking clamps have retracted,said the operator in the bay.

    When we exit,began Telek. Engage cloaking device.  I dont want to be caught by whoever is down there.

    Yes, Supreme Commander,said the pilot.

    Take off,Telek gestured.

    The Phantom took off from the carrier, fading into invisibility.

    Were crossing over the terminator into night,informed the co-pilot.

    Good, its night where were going,Telek said. Hes left the beacon open for us to follow.

    As the Phantom slowly descended down into the atmosphere, the pilot banked the craft off towards the fjord where the signal was originating.

    There are no other energy signatures I can read, Excellency,said the co-pilot. Except one faint one from the fjord.  Possibly a power station.

    Only one?Telek asked.

    Thats right,he nodded.

    Whats going on?Shri asked, opening up the cockpit door.

    Weve found a faint energy signature,said Telek.

    As they came closer, Telek was able to make out a familiar structure of a UNSC base on the plateau. There were people on the ground though, guards and enormous creatures keeping a vigil on the building.  He recognized those shapes.  They were dragons.

    Oh, hellmore dragons…” Telek growled, clacking his mandibles. Like I dont have to deal with one of those mangy lizards, then theres more.  Wont Dunkelzahn be happy to hear hes got kinfolk here?

    I dont know,said Shri. Those dragons dont look exactly like the dragons Ive seen.  Ive been close enough to one to know the difference.

    Lofwyr,Telek sighed.

    Yeah,she nodded. Lofwyr.  Taught him a lesson or two not to take me so lightly.  Besides, those dragons look a bit smaller than Earth Dragons.

    Telek began to hear a buzzing sound as the Phantom slowly and softly landed behind some trees near the building.  The buzzing sound was coming more from his head than his ears though, which disturbed him.  The buzzing sound became clearer and became actual voices, muffled voices.  He could hear their words but the more he tried to focus on them, the more annoying the buzzing sound became.  He knew the voices were not human.

    Telek?Shri asked, noticing his discomfort.

    Its nothing,he replied.

    Weve landed, Excellency,said the pilot.

    Open her up,he nodded. Well, Shri, coming?

    Spec Ops, engage active camouflage,Shri commanded.  The Spec Ops warriors, Shri, and Telek soon vanished into invisibility and dropped out below the invisible Phantom.

    Hold position until we return,Telek whispered through the comlink.

    Theres a path through here,informed Ysoa.

    They filed their way through the jungle, their weapons at the ready.  Telek held up his carbine looking through the sight at the guards.  There were indeed dragons.  He knew their shape rather well, though they did appear to be slightly different than Earth Dragons.  These dragons held the shape of Western Dragons with their thick bodies, four legs and two bat-like leathery wings, but they did not appear to possess any sort of horn ornamentation that the Western Dragons were famous for.  Though his eyes were able to see rather well in the dark, he could not see any sort of distinct feature about them other than what he could see by their silhouettes.  They made their way passed the sleeping dragons and the humans who slept beside them and silently walked over to the front of the building.  Shri spied two guards at the door barring their way.  Then, she took notice to the weapons they had in their hands.  The guards were not armed with guns, but were armed with spears.

    How primitive…” she whispered. Those guards have spears, not guns.

    Okay,whispered Telek. Were not to harm the guards.

    How can we get them away from the door without harming them?asked Ysoa.

    A diversion,said Shri.  She brought out a plasma grenade and ignited it.

    No, Shri!Telek hissed just as she tossed the glowing cyan ball off towards some barrels.  The grenade stuck to the barrels and exploded, awakening the guards, the dragons and any others at the base.  Everyone came running towards the explosion.

    Come on, the doors wide open now,she whispered.

    “Great, now they think were hostile,Telek sighed, turning around to hear the dragons bugle out a warning.
The Sangheili Pirate's Arrival at Archer's Knee
Okay, as promised.  Here's the stupid Pern story, well an excerpt.  Again, something written back in 2007, and rather silly.  So, enjoy.  And if the Weyr Police come knocking on my door, I'll come out armed with a piece of plywood.  

This is pretty much the continuation of what I wrote here...

P.E.R.N. by Ghostwalker2061 

Oh, it gets even more hilarious when Telek finally interacts with everyone.  

Especially this bit...


    Thread doesnt look so dangerous right now,she said thoughtfully as she watched the ovoids sweep in and abruptly disappear.

    In its frozen state, it is unlikely to be life-threatening,Kiryuu said.

    But you dont know for sure?

    “Oh, he knows for sure,” Telek said through the speaker.

    Telek…” Kiryuu growled, his gold eyes flashing.  Pupils contracted into tight slits.

    “Especially after that Marine…”

    Telek!Kiryuu bellowed.

    “Did you tell them about the Marine?” Telek asked. “Coming down from the Pelican and being eaten alive after trying to get one of those things?  The coldness of space keeps them dormant, but expose them to Pern’s atmosphere and…look out—killer athlete’s foot fungus!  It’s the attack of the silver shower mildew!  Run to the hills!”

    Who was that?the smith asked.

    Nobody!Kiryuu bellowed. The smith shrank from Kiryuus seething fury.  Perhaps it was better not to press the issue further.  He returned his own attention back to the window.  Kiryuu got up and moved himself over.


I will say this though, to make this story work, I had to go against the rule on Pern fanfiction.  As in, this story takes place during All the Weyrs of Pern, and yes, has to use the characters from that book.  Which is a Pern fanfic foul.  Which is why I have never shown this story.  Because I would get in a lot of trouble.

So yeah, Weyr Police.  This fandom is heavily protected.

That's why I like writing in fandoms like Warcraft.  I can use the characters and change how things happen with them.  Even correct things I think shouldn't have happened.  Such as Neltharion being killed off or not giving the Squishy a chance.

But enjoy.  Hopefully I won't piss off too many people.

The Handmaid's Tale

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 8, 2015, 1:57 AM

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Something that I decided to look back on, reread, and yes even rewatch the movie was a piece of speculative kinda-sorta science fiction book called The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.

Let me just say one thing, A Brave New, 1984, A Clockwork Orange...all pussy literatures.

They depict a world of what could be.

In many ways The Handmaid's Tale depicts a world that does exist. I mean, one extreme is to look at the Islamic States and how they tend to treat women, and in another more subtle scrutiny, it's right here at home.

The premise itself was written during the time when countries like Iran had gone from a secular government to a theocracy that pretty much states that oppression is following religion properly. Including the oppression of women. Because that is where it really focused on.

The No Woman's Land.

This book is a straw atheist's dream come true as it depicts the reason why religion, especially Christianity is bad.

This book is a Straw Feminist dream come true as it depicts a dystopia where the PUAHate and Men's Rights Activists pretty much get what they want and what world would be created if they were allowed to be assholes to women.

Pretty much, oh god, this book...

I only suggest reading it if you have a strong stomach and don't have a highly sensitive "I'm offended" trigger.

It pretty much is about a woman whose name is unknown, unless people can read between the lines of the book to discover her name is Juno.

In the movie, it's Kate.

But when she's the property of the household who "adopted" her, her name is Offred. The man of the house is named Commander Fred (no last name given), so, Juno/Kate's name is Of-Fred...belonging to Fred. Offred.

If she was the handmaid of a guy named Bill, she would be named Ofbill.

There's a handmaid named Ofglen, and another named Ofwayne. Get where I'm going.

Yes, people, that's her slave name.

Well, the book is all over the place because Kate/Juno/Offred's mind is scattered because of her ordeal, but the movie actually puts it all together in a chronological order.

So, here's the history of the thing.

Let's just say, what if the Westboro Baptist Church decides to stop being annoying trolls and decide to take over the country?

Well, the Sons of Jacob do just that. They are a group of Evangelical Christian Fundamentalists who assassinate the President and take over the country, pretty much shitting upon the Constitution and setting up their own government...that of an oppressive, military theocracy that makes the Nazis look almost saintly.

And they don't just oppress women, African Americans and other people who aren't white are pretty much sent off to death camps in South Dakota. Even people who believe in a different religion or none at all. So, yeah, Jews, Roman Catholics, non-evangelical Christians, Muslims, Pagans, and anyone else they can get their hands on...shoved into the oven to burn.

And possibly their hair made into rugs and their skins made to bind books.

Because these Evangelical Christians are absolute monsters.

So, pretty much, if you're not a Christian Fundamentalist, white, in possession of a penis installed in your pants, you're pretty much the devil and deserve to die.

Or to be made into baby factories for the wealthy military elite.

This is pretty much 19 Kids and Counting set in Hell.

And yes, even gays and lesbians get shat upon, but honestly, in a Christian Fundamentalist Theocracy, did you ever expect them not to?

And here's the worst part. You see, due to wars and other nastiness, the new theocracy of America, called Gilead now (with even an Illuminati symbol for the flag. Make this movie for Straw Conspiracists porn too) decided to pretty much attach places they don't like. So, yeah, Nazi Germany, only with crazy Christian Evangelicals at the helm.

And because of that, possible nuclear wars, various nuclear plants going belly up, the country is a shithole.  And worse yet, according to Gilead's statistics, 1 in a 100 women are able to become pregnant and bear children.  

And it is possible that men are sterile too, but we're going back into dark ages thinking here.  Men can't be sterile, it's only the woman's fault!

So, the book mostly focuses upon how women are oppressed.  The Sons of Jacob, upon seizing power, froze all the bank accounts belonging to women.  Women are not allowed to earn money, have possessions, vote, have a voice, be a person in any way, or even equal to men.  

They're not even allowed to read and write.

Because women reading and writing is considered a sin.

And they pretty much back a lot of their horrible methods and various human rights violations by quoting the Bible verbatim.  So, these guys are also Calvinists and Primitive Baptists too.

So, now we've gotten the horrible backstory of this dystopia set up, let's talk about the character.

Kate/Juno/Offred was a woman caught at the border trying to escape into the horrible Republic of Gilead.  Because who wouldn't?  She was trying to escape with her husband and daughter.  Why were they trying to escape?

Well, because of this little thing here...

And he shall take a wife in her virginity. A widow, or a divorced woman, or a woman who has been defiled, or a prostitute, these he shall not marry. But he shall take as his wife a virgin of his own people, that he may not profane his offspring among his people, for I am the Lord who sanctifies him. Leviticus 21:13-15

Meaning that Offred's husband was previously married and then divorced.  He married Kate/Juno/Offred and had a child.  But according to the Republic of Gilead and the Christian Fundamentals they are both living in sin.  Because you're not supposed to divorce your husband or wife.  And if the marriage does end, you can't remarry.

I've known people who pretty much believe in that.  And while I say don't shove your beliefs in my face to them a lot, they still do it.  Because according to them, I'm a child born of sin.  Because I'm the daughter of my mother's second marriage, not first.

So...fuck those people.

Fuck them and their beliefs.  

So, the husband (no name given) gets shot and Kate/Juno is captured by the Christian Nazis and we don't hear what happens to her daughter.  It is assumed she is re-educated (ie brainwashed) and adopted by some fascist family.

Kate/Juno is sent to the Red Center, which is this place where they are trained to become handmaids.

Because of this thing here...

When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister; and she said to Jacob, Give me children or I shall die! […] Then she said, Here is my maid Bilhah; go in to her, that she may bear upon my knees, and even I may have children through her. Genesis 30:1-3

So, yeah, handmaids are surrogate wombs, aka baby factories because the wife of the man of the house is thought to be barren.

And it's done through a ceremony which is pretty much word for word of what that passage says.  

The Handmaid lays upon her back, her head resting between the legs of the Wife, while the husband fucks her.  The idea is that the husband does not look at the Handmaid while he's fucking her, but at his wife.

I don't say make love.  For as Atwood describes it, there is no word.  It's not passion, or love making, it's not rape.  It's just fucking.  And fucking is a chore, not a pleasure.

We even have color coded wardrobe for the various people who live in this shithole.

Blue for the Wives of the military men.  Red for the handmaids, green for the Marthas (female servants NOT sent to the Colonies aka Radioactive Living Hell) grey for those "Unwomen" the girls who are sterile, or too old, or too belligerent to be wives or handmaids...they're pretty much slaves in this world.  And a lot of them are again sent to Radioactive Living Hell aka the Colonies.

And brown for the Aunts, these bitches who gladly help to keep all women in chains.  They are the alpha bitches.

Women are hanged or sent to a slow death in the Colonies if they cannot produce children, or are unfaithful, or break any of the other shitty laws of this apartheid.  

And all Offred wants to do is get the fuck out.  

The Wife of Fred, named Serena Joy, is an alpha bitch of her own.  She was a televangelist who preached that women should go back to the kitchen where they belong.  Well, she got her wish, and it bit her in the ass.  I call that irony.

Even if it doesn't mean irony, it's irony to me.

She's all around miserable.  The whole story is miserable.

So pretty much with the threat of going to the Colonies because it's possible that Fred maybe sterile, Offred is allowed to have sex with the chauffeur, who she falls in love with in the movie.  

Fred, sort of a mixture of being rather nice to Kate/Juno/Offred, and also trying to get some more alone time with her because he married a frigid bitch...has her playing Scrabble, which is forbidden for women to do now, cards, and other stuff that women aren't allowed to do because well...we're not cool enough.

And Gilead sucks.

He even takes her to a club called Jezabel's where a lot of the stuff from the old world, like rock music, girls in cheerleading outfits or Playboy Bunny suits, and other shit is there for the entertainment for the wealthy elite who can get away with that shit.

Sound familiar?

1% guys.

It's pretty much a brothel.  

Well, she gets ratted out by Alpha Bitch Wife, she kills Fred, and high tails it out of there with a gang of La Resistance guys called Mayday.

And the movie just ends with her living in a trailer waiting for her child to be born.

The book, has an Epilogue which happens two centuries later and the tale itself is being scrutinized by some stuck-up Oxford white guy who pretty much chalks it up to feminine wilds.  

But I will say this, despite all the shit women get from living in Gilead, men get it too.

A lot of men are sent to the Colonies or executed for various crimes, including raping handmaids.  But the handmaid is still shamed.  

Lots of slut shaming and "She was asking for it!" lines.  

But Atwood wrote this to show us that what happened in places like Iran could very well happen to this country.  

And yes, we still have a Woman's Rights issue.  I mean, women do make 80 cents on the dollar for doing the same job as men.

A man who has a family is often looked at as favorable to employers, but if a woman has a family, or just a child and is divorced, she's frowned upon.

Right now, we barely have a mandated paid maternity leave for women AND men.  While other countries, even China of all places, do.  That is especially when the woman works at a low paying near minimum wage job.

Yeah, if you work at McDonnald's or Walmart and you're pregnant and end up in labor, at least in my state, they can fire you for not showing up for work after popping out something the size of a watermelon from your pelvis.  

Go look at John Oliver's little video on it. You'll be disgusted.  I am.  

And yes, I did include men in that statement too.  Because you know, the baby needs both parents, right?

So, yeah, this makes a lot of other books on a similar genre just seem so...light.

Journal Layout by lockjavv
  • Listening to: Here I Am (Rock you like a hurricane)
  • Reading: The Hobbit
  • Watching: WTFIWWY
  • Playing: Bejeweled
  • Eating: Broccoli stir-fry
  • Drinking: Vanilla Coke

    Upon a stool sat a hobbit, deeply engrossed in writing his memoirs.  His hair combed and fluffed like a ball of wiry silver capping his head.  Sounds of his quill scratching upon the parchment was all he cared to hear.  He dabbed the tip at his tongue to moisten and scratched again.  

    Bilbo paused when he heard the sounds of feet walking down the hall.  His nephew Frodo, holding a plate of cherries, took a bite of one and spat the pit out upon the plate.  

    Frodo paused, as the floor started to shake.  Dishes rattled on their shelves.  The terrible sound grew louder and louder.  Then, as soon as it came, it stopped.


    A plate slipped from the shelf and clashed to the floor.

    But even with that noise, Bilbo could not be bothered from his work.  He scratched along without a concern for who or what just thundered over his home.

    Then came a scraping upon the door.

    “Oh, dash it all, who is that?!” Bilbo called with a grouchy tone. “Frodo, get the door!”

    “I will, Uncle,” said Frodo.  He set the plate down and came to the door, opening it up and was greeted by a deep, and reverberating thrum.  

    “Uncle!” Frodo called. “We important visitor.”

    Bilbo stood from his writing and turned as a beam of golden light filled the living room. A great trembling shook the room, the cacophony of rattling dishes punctuated by a sequence of basso thumps from above. He dove, catching a potted plant just before it smashed to the floor. A sigh of relief escaped, followed by a flush of irritation as he cast his gaze toward the gigantic, cat-like eye that filled the living room window.The door was open.  Frodo had stepped aside as a rush of hot wind filled the room.

    Bilbo was beaming with a smile.

    “Smaug,” said Bilbo. “You old worm.  It’s about time you got here.  It’s a quarter past 10 and you are late. I can’t allow tardy visitors.”

    “I go where I wish.” said Smaug, eyes narrowing at Bilbo’s criticism. “You dare resist?”

    Bilbo scowled, the expression holding only a moment before a grin cracked his face.

    The great eye in the window blinked many times, lids folding over and pulling back slowly across the glassy expanse.  The dragon rumbled a deep chuckle and the room trembled once more.

    “One hundred and eleven years old,” said Smaug. “Happy birthday.”

    “Is it today?” Bilbo asked, his eyes sparkling.

    “Of course, Uncle,” said Frodo. “I’ve been getting invitation replies since last night.”

    Bilbo clapped his hands, smiling with glee: “Oh, I’ve almost forgotten!”

    With that, he scurried on down the hall, leaving Smaug and Frodo to look upon each other.  The large, black slit pupil following the elderly hobbit as he disappeared down the hall.

    “Um, Bilbo,” began Smaug, his pupil coming to Frodo, casting its spotlight upon him. “Has he been a bit busy?”

    “Writing, mostly,” said Frodo. “He is so insistent upon finishing that book of his.”

    The dragon smiled warmly and rumbled a deep laugh.

    “His book,” Smaug remarked fondly. “To think it’s been 60 years...”

    “I believe so,” said Frodo. “About around the time Bilbo had his 50th birthday, I believe.  Of course I wasn’t even born then.”

    “You were barely a twinkle in your mother’s eyes,” said Smaug. “I can remember when you came to live here.  Bilbo didn’t know what to do with a boy who seemed to have a bit more Took in him than he ever did.  And well, when I came to visit, I hardly knew how to handle little hobbit children. I recall him leaving you with me as well especially when your Tookishishness got the best of him.  ‘Don’t you mind if he chews on some of your big gems, hopefully he won’t break a tooth.  Just make sure he doesn’t try to eat your coins.  He’ll choke.’”

    Frodo laughed.

    “I remember bruising myself a few times sliding down the mounds of old elven and dwarven coins you had in your lair,” he said.

    The scaly lip curled into a grin.

    “Well, I am glad you turned out proper despite my horrible babysitting, Frodo.  Dragons, I’m afraid, don’t make good nannies.”

    Frodo laughed again.

    Smaug’s eye turned away as Bilbo stepped back into the living room.  The pupil pulsed as he focused upon the old hobbit.

    “I could hear your stomping a mile away, Mr. Barrel-Rider,” the voice of the dragon sounding like a hot, hushed hiss. “You’re getting a little heavy.”

    “Well, I’m not as springy or as graceful as I was when you met me, Smaug,” said Bilbo.

    “Your breath sounds healthy and full,” said Smaug. “And your heartbeat sounds strong.”

    “You could hear everything about me,” said Bilbo. “Feel my breath, hear me walk…nothing gets past you!”  He patted upon Frodo’s shoulder. “Frodo, my lad, if you would be so kind, put this on the gate.”

    He handed him a sign that said ‘No Admittance except on Party Business.’  Smaug looked upon the sign with a curious eye and then to Bilbo with a shocked ‘humph’.  The dragon lifted his head to allow Frodo passage down towards the gate.  Bilbo followed out the door and waved, catching the the eye’s attention.

    “Here, while that keeps him busy, have a look at this.”

    He came outside as the dragon snaked his neck around.  Bilbo held up a leather-bound red book.  Smaug watched as Bilbo opened the book to show various collections of notes, drawings, pressed leaves that he had collected over his travels.  Bilbo filed through the drawings.  They were not of hobbits, but rather dwarves.  He recognized one in particular.  Thorin Oakenshield.  Another was of Balin, and then Dwalin, and the rest of the 13 dwarves who came that one night nearly 60 years ago to ask the hobbit to take a rather important journey with them.  Then, Smaug saw another drawing, one of Bilbo in his younger days and then one of himself.

    “There I am,” he said. “And with a lot less gray hair than I have now.”

     “If you’re not too careful, you’ll be as gray as Old Gaffer’s,” said Bilbo.

    Smaug chuckled.  He shifted his weight and his eyes spied through the window a familiar object laid out in the living room.   Inside the glass case was a map with tattered edges and inked in a mixture of Khuzdul, the language of the dwarves, and regular Westron Common.  In the center was a mountain and flowing out from it, a river that emptied into a large lake to the south.  Flying overhead was a red-inked drawing of a dragon spouting fire and an area marked ‘Desolation of Smaug’.  It was the map of Erebor, the Lonely Mountain.

    “Midsummer’s Eve is not far off,” the dragon said. “And I do believe there is a crescent moon that night as well.  We should take the map out and let the moon runes glow in the light once again.  Just for old time’s sake.”

    “Perhaps,” said Bilbo.

    Smaug deeply chuckled, giving the hobbit a gentle nudge from his snout.

    “But I am glad you are here,” Bilbo said, patting the dragon’s snout. “You can do me a big favor and keep guard outside.  Chase away anyone who might come by…especially any Sackville Baggins!”

    “So, that’s why you wanted me to come so early,” said Smaug with a heavy sigh. “You want me to play guard dog?”

    “Oh it’s just for a moment,” he said. “So I can have my peace, get ready, finish a little bit on my writing, and all that.”

    “Sixty years of friendship and I’ve been reduced to guard dog duty,” the dragon huffed a whiff of smoke from his nostrils, but this was just for show: amusement danced in his eyes.

    “Don’t be that way, old friend,” said Bilbo. “It’s just for a moment.  Besides, if that horrible woman, Lobelia Baggins sees you, she’ll turn tail and run before you can even roar and spout fire at her!”

    “And I could be labeled a disturber of the peace just as Gandalf,” said Smaug. “Oh, wait I was, wasn’t I?  When you found all your things being auctioned off upon your return.  If I hadn’t had scared the daylights from their eyes, you would have ended up with a lot less than you left.”

    “And as always, I am ever so grateful, O Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities,” Bilbo clapped his hand to one of the dragon’s large, jutting fangs.

    The dragon rumbled with another chuckle.

    “Oh, I just got a message from…Gandalf.  He’s coming to the party.  He says he’s brought some of his best fireworks.”

    Bilbo picked up his books and papers, heading back into his study again, leaving the door open for Smaug to continue to talk through.  Bilbo felt Bag End vibrate again as the dragon followed him upon the roof and he opened a window up.

    “Oh, how did you talk to him?” he asked.

    The window was suddenly filled with the amber orb of Smaug’s enormous eye.

    “Butterfly,” the dragon replied.

    Bilbo chuckled: “I don’t see how you or Gandalf can send messages using moths and butterflies.  In fact, I didn’t know you spoke butterfly.”

    “It’s an easy dialect,” Smaug said with a cheeky smile. “Perhaps I should show you some time.”

    Bilbo paused as he took his quill out.  He grinned somberly.

    “Yes, perhaps,” he said.  He turned around and his face brightened. “I would like that!”

    “I don’t communicate with him very often,” said Smaug. “He has been a little busy.  Keeping things from me…”

    “Well, you know how Gandalf is,” said Bilbo as he scratched at his parchment. “ He comes and goes as he please, always have, always will.”  

    Smaug replied with a deep, though concerned thrum, which rattled the window.

    “And you forgot to greet me in Elvish,” said Bilbo, craning up to look at the eye.

    “Which one?”

    “Sindarin,” said Bilbo. “Though I’m surprised you still know some Quenya.  You’re one of the very few who speak it.”

    “Which greeting do you wish me to say?” the dragon asked.

    “Any of them!  Just throw something out.  Come on, let’s hear one.”

    “Very well, then,” said Smaug.  The eye blinked as the dragon thought. “Let me see.  Ah, here’s one.  Edinor veren.  Happy birthday.”

    Bilbo’s smile faded and he twitched his nose in disappointment, returning his attention to his writing.

    “Oh, is that all you could think of?” he asked. “And you call yourself the Wyrm of A Thousand Tongues.”

    “No, you called me that,” said Smaug. “About five years after you brought me home from Erebor.  Among many other fine  titles.  I never had so many until I met an overly placating hobbit like you.”

    Bilbo chuckled: “Well, I was trying to save my hide.  And you asked me if flattery would save me.  It did, more than once!”  He turned back to the dragon and grinned. “And you know you liked it, you old arrogant lizard.  Admit it.”

    “Yes, I did,” said Smaug. “Smaug the Magnificent.  I loved that one the best.”

    “Fits you.”

    “Alright, a nice one,” said the dragon. “Quenya, here we go.  Elen sí la lú menn’ omentielvo.”

    “That’s better,” said Bilbo, his eyes twinkling in the candle light.

    “Or just the Sindarin version,” Smaug continued. “Gîl síla erin lû e-govaded vín.”

    “Now you’re just showing off,” said Bilbo.

    The two headed outside and Bilbo brought out his pipe.  Smaug climbed the hill, his far reaches spanning over each mound, filling the countryside until his tremendous girth became the landscape itself. He had grown in the 60 years, as well fed dragons generally do, nearly reaching 462 feet now.  Bilbo marked each growth in a journal to account for the dragon’s growing mass.  And then he added his studies to the memoirs he wrote.  

    Smaug draped his gigantic paws over the edge of Bag End, crossing them as his long, serpentine tail swished idly.  He took great care not to lean all of his weight upon the hobbit hole.   The dragon looked down at his old friend with a fond smile.  

    His smile faded when he noticed Bilbo’s hand.  It gripped the pocket, each knuckle twitching nervously.  

    Smaug rumbled and then shook his head.  He knew very well what it was that the hobbit gripped and it brought him no end of sadness.  He could tell that Bilbo was changing, even back then, and it was that magic ring’s fault.  Still, there was a part of him that prevented him from reaching out and snatching the ring up from Bilbo’s pocket.  Something even darker kept his mind occupied enough that when the thought came to tell Gandalf, it left before it could reach his mouth.

    Smaug’s auburn mane was fading each time his mind touched upon the ring as his strength seeped away from him.  He never felt so tired in an age, but sleep would not give him solace of rest.  Sleep only made his weariness worse.

    “Such a lovely day, isn’t it?” Bilbo asked as he puffed out a smoke ring.

    The dragon’s thoughts tore away from the ring in the hobbit’s pocket.

    “Yes it is,” said Smaug. “So hard to believe how long it has been.”

    “Yes,” said Bilbo. “I seem to recall you were a quite different person…dragon…then.  A little bit more uptight, bit more arrogant too.  The Shire has changed you.”

    “Not completely,” he said. “I’ve mellowed, I will admit.  But, not by much.  You recall, I didn’t come here just to have some vacation and then stay.”  His eyes narrowed. “I have a reason to be here.”

    “Indeed,” said Bilbo as his hand slipped out of his pocket.  He patted it. “And I do believe that reason will keep you here.”

    “Keep me here,” Smaug echoed, his eyes drifting away from Bilbo.

    Doubt riddled heavily upon his brow.

     He could not tell him, not now.  

    He needed something to distract himself from those dark musings.
Unexpected Lateness
Here's the excerpt to the first chapter of "An Unexpected Friendship."

It starts out similar to the movie itself, happening 60 years after the trip to Erebor, the day of the birthday party for Bilbo.

Just meh, why not, I'll show this to you all.  Hopefully no one's gonna smack me in the face for it.

I will say this, for those fans who because of Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman playing Smaug and Bilbo, for some strange reason, there have been like fan art and slash fics of Smaug and Bilbo, despite the fact that well, both the book and the movie had Smaug die, and so far, my silly old Lord of the Rings of a Different Sort was the only fanfic that I knew of that had Smaug survive.  And I showed that off at a Godzilla messageboard.

So, I have to ask, did people read that old story of mine and just never told me?  And decided to turn the rather innocent friendship I created between Smaug and Bilbo into...a yaoi pairing?

Or maybe it's just because Benedict Cumberbatch is the voice of Smaug in the Hobbit trilogy.  And I'm banking on that a bit more considering I'm seeing a more human looking Smaug in a lot of those images.

But no, so far, and again, like trying to find Neltharion fiction that shows him surviving rather than dying, up until the Hobbit Trilogy, I had been the ONLY fanfic writer who made Smaug and Bilbo friends and ended up having Smaug survive the arrow rather than kill him.

And there was a prequal to the old Lord of the Rings fic I wrote, but it was relatively short and not that great.  So I waited until the Hobbit Trilogy to try again.  

And yes, I have been writing this thing since I first saw the Unexpected Journey, which is why the Unexpected Friendship is the title for this story.

And yes, there is a pairing in this story.  And it's NOT between Smaug and Bilbo.  They're just really, really good friends at least by the end of the story.  They don't have to be lovers to have a meaningful and long relationship, girls.  I figured that was a given here. Sometimes really good friends care for each other like family too.

This is an excerpt, not the entire chapter.

So, enjoy, I guess.  Tell me if you wanna see more of this...

Step Into the Light by Ghostwalker2061 

Shadow Dragons

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 6, 2015, 9:22 PM

Well, I am happy to say that a few of you seem interested in Vickie and the whole Shadow Dragon thing.

Edward Cullen's Doom by Ghostwalker2061

I do say that we need strong female characters who get turned into dragons in our stories.

And Burk really seems into it as well.

For those of you who have yet to learn about it.  I do suggest reading this...

It pretty much gives you an in general background.  But keep in mind that some things may change as we refine the idea.

I also want to post up some unfinished and unused excerpts of other stories I had been writing.  Including one story that explains this...

P.E.R.N. by Ghostwalker2061

Some of you who follow :icong-chaser: 's stories that carry on the tales of some of my other characters like this guy...

Kiryuu Mechagodzilla by Ghostwalker2061

And this guy...

The Sangheili Pirate by Ghostwalker2061

Well, there was a half gag, half actual story that did something completely different with them.  And I wrote this in 2007.

And yes, it involved Pern.

And the only reason why I kept it hidden was because of again, the Pern Police who would come after me with pitchforks and torches.  Considering that at the time Anne McCaffrey was still alive.

Now that she has passed on, I've noticed some of us fans have a little bit more freedom thanks to Todd McCaffrey.   

And I will also show off the reason why I don't draw Pern dragons.  You are going to see a design that I've been hiding for a very long time along with a bunch of crazy Pern fics from my high school years.  I'm digging out the sock drawer again.

I mean it's where I got this guy...

The Fuzzy T rex by Ghostwalker2061

And you all seem to like him okay.

There is one lodged in the sock drawer that involved this guy...

Kedzuel and the Reaper upclose by Ghostwalker2061

Yes, people, at one time I threw Kedzuel at Pern.  I was a stupid writer back then.

I really was.  And no, drugs were not involved, or else I could have something to blame on.  But no, I have this horrid mess to blame upon myself.

I dunno why I'm showing this off.  Maybe to show you guys that I too wrote stupid shit back then.  Maybe to show you that you're not the only one who writes stupid shit.  

And in order to write good stuff like Neltharion, or Tanya, I had to write the stupid shit first.

So...if you ever want to be good, write stupid shit first, then come to realize that it is in fact stupid shit.

Otherwise, you'll never be good.

There's also some stuff about my take on Smaug.

Fury of the Mountain King by Ghostwalker2061

I wrote a story that I've been diving into for well...I started in 2002, about the same time I wrote Kiryuu and Telek and refined John Carter...

And well I picked it up at the start of the Hobbit Trilogy.  And the stories follow basically the movies and not the books.  Because the books are fine, they don't need any of the zaniness I wrote.  PJ's movies on the other hand...yeah...crazy shit.

So, meh, there you go.

Journal Layout by lockjavv
  • Listening to: Here I Am (Rock you like a hurricane)
  • Reading: The Hobbit
  • Watching: WTFIWWY
  • Playing: Bejeweled
  • Eating: Broccoli stir-fry
  • Drinking: Vanilla Coke




Add a Comment:
ownall15 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
Your art was briefly feature in this video at 1:54 which I think is cool.…
Ghostwalker2061 Featured By Owner Edited Sep 22, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Actually I wish people would actually contact me when they use my artwork.

Well, looks like I have to report another youtube video for not properly crediting me.  I'm gonna have that damned thing taken down immediately.
Hidden by Owner
Ghostwalker2061 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
First, ew.

Seriously, I didn't need to know your secret fetish for a cartoon green ogre.  

May I ask why you are doing this?
airhorns Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2015
Okay first off this is just a joke so please don't take it seriously.
and it isn't a secret fetish okay, it was just a joke and you can ignore it.

If you don't like it, then I'm terribly sorry, it's just a joke.
Ghostwalker2061 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
That is not a joke, that was disgusting. 
TheChaosRuler Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hello! :D
Jcbq Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2015
So, this is a thing now giant robots fighting. Because, why not?
LeopardKnight Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2015
Ok, I wish to appologize.  I read the tyrannosaur stories once, late at night. then went back a day or so later to actually comment on them.  i hadn't been exactly awake or focused the first time, and on recounting, alot of details,  very important ones, slipped my mind.  i did not mean anything by this, it just happened.  This was wrong of me, and i promise to try to avoid any repeats of this in the future, and i will likely go and re-read the stories soon and try to absorb everything going on.
Ghostwalker2061 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Yeah, this is a serious story.

Though it may have some fun bits, it's still a serious story.
Add a Comment: