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What's Wrong with Dinosaucers

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Ghostwalker2061

Published: Feb 15, 2011

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What's Wrong with Dinosaucers

First off, I want to say, yes I love this show. I've loved it since I was a child of the 80's. But right now, I'm lifting the nostalgia goggles to really analyze this show. I know I'm gonna get a lot of heat from this. Why the hell is someone of my age analyzing a show for prepubescent boys about evolved anthropomorphic dinosaurs from outer space? Because, well, I am rewriting Antichthon because a lot of people have requested that I finish that story off. The problem with Antichthon was that I rushed right into it without really taking a step back and truly changing the world that was Dinosaucers from its campy, kiddie 80's cartoon to something that hypothetical fiction would be proud of. So, I decided to analyze everything that is WRONG with this show so I could figure out how to make it right. And that's why I wrote this. So, let's begin!

The original concept: Dinosaucers was a children's show back in the late 1980s which depicted anthropomorphic dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals living on a counter-Earth planet on the far side of the sun. The show itself was cheesy and childish with some references to some adult culture that I'm sorry to say most kids of that era would not get unless they asked their parents about them.

It details mostly the exploits of four children, pre-teens actually, who discovered the Dinosaucers when they landed one night in somewhere vacant, I suppose. If they landed near a town or city, someone else besides the kids was bound to see them land, tell the authorities, and such. However it is never mentioned as to why the Dinosaucers came to Earth, though there was suspicions as to why they stayed when the Tyrannos came.

The Tyrannos are the antagonists of the show. They are led by Genghis Rex, an evolved Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Dinosaucers are led by Commander Allo, an evolved Allosaurus. What are the reasons the Tyrannos wanted to come to Earth? In the first few episodes it was about riches, in the middle episodes it was about a substance called dinocium, (not to be confused with unobtanium), which apparently is a valuable resource on Reptilon...the home planet.

It is the substance that powers their advance technology. Dinocium seems to appear on Earth as well, though humans have never discovered it, which is strange considering how far we've dug to get our various resources to power our own technology. Funny how such an important resource that could very well jump our technology even further was never discovered. Perhaps we just weren't looking in the right place. Mostly dinocium seems to be used as a MacGuffin but then is never mentioned again in later episodes. Big-Lipped Alligator Moment?

On Reptilon, the Dinosaucers seem to be the ruling faction while the Tyrannos are some sort of rebel group of evil mother fuckers. The planet is Earth-like, but its temperature is more like how it was during the time of the dinosaurs...probably 5 degrees hotter than Earth global temperature.

The dinosaurs themselves are technologically advanced, of course. It is speculated that because no enormous asteroid or any other damaging event impacted Reptilon that would make the dinosaurs go extinct, they all would evolve during the 65 million years after the dinosaurs became extinct on Earth. They had enough time to develop various types of tech such as inter-planetary space travel, ray guns, and gadgets that would never be found in 1980 Earth-level technology.

Their bases mirror that of the used future look of Star Wars with lots of bulkhead plates and wiring as well as blocky technology that sticks out awkwardly from the walls. The Dinosaucers' base looks more smooth and elegant compared to the Tyrannos' but it is still there. However, it seems that none of the evolved prehistoric creatures have been out beyond the solar system. You'd think they would. It is suspected that they have at least FTL technology applied to their ships or some way of getting 186 million miles between both inhabited worlds within a few minutes each episode when they want to return to Reptilon.

On the discussion of Reptilon, it also appears in the 1980's cartoon that no one on Earth (including the governments) are aware of its existence. By all accounts, even in history, the idea of a Counter-Earth has been speculated and no doubt even if we did not take in account of the gravitational adjustments the planets would have to go through to include this other stellar body, humans themselves would have seen Reptilon for themselves by the time we sent out our probes.

So, the idea that no human know of Reptilon's in that show existence is well...STUPID! We would have known of its existence even before the invention of the satellites by just calculating how it would effect the orbits of other planets, and also, we would even see it from Earth at times as well due to its own wobbling caused by gravitational pull. We even sent up probes into space to the L3 point where the hypothetical Counter-Earth would have been to see if it was there, and now it wasn't, so that debunked that theory. If something like Reptilon existed, that particular probe would have noticed it!

So, there would have been no doubt that a planet like Reptilon would exist in the human mind of that alternate universe. So, why does no one not know of its existence?

The show gives the idiotic excuse of "since it's hidden behind the sun, we wouldn't see it." Though the sun is massive and bright, it would not hide Reptilon from Earth, I'm sorry to say. However, the Reptilonians living on that planet could take measures to hide the fact that they exist on Reptilon.

Especially since the Reptilonians appear to know human exist. But in the show, they don't seem to hide this fact either by traveling to and from Earth in their ships, which probably create massive radar signatures. They try to justify this by having some military officer chase after them a few times in two or three episodes. Except, this is rarely touched upon for less interesting plots like beach parties, teaching the Reptilonians how to dance, Rex going crazy at times, and other kid-friendly dumbing down things that are in this show. Though Rex going crazy is probably the funniest part of the show itself. He seems to get more and more insane as the show progresses and his laugh becomes even more psychopathic in its tone.

The plot of the military officer named Major Clifton who works for the United States Air Force who follows the Reptilonians on their exploits to expose their natures is unfortunately never fully developed to its potential. Instead we get the usual kiddy plots. However, abandoning this idea of an agent from some government trying to hunt down either the Dinosaucers or the Tyrannos for various reasons (being their aliens, their obvious more advanced technology, and so forth) would really have made the series more interesting. Though tropes like this have been touched on before, the idea of the military's involvement with the two warring factions would further ground this kiddy program and make it more memorable. Most of the time, the show Dinosaucers comes off as some sort of odd drug trip and its plots are nothing more than pretty flashing lights and dangling keys to keep the toddlers happy.

Another trope they tend to have is always involving kids.

While granted, perhaps the idea that kids would be more open to alien evolved, anthropomorphic dinosaurs from a Counter-Earth planet than adults is an interesting idea. The show's main reason to involve kids, as with all shows that have children in them in some point going on dangerous missions or adventures is to keep the target demographic's attention and to help them relate to the show. As if evolved dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures wouldn't do it alone.

Children are the target audience, so there has to be children in it. The only show that I seem to recall that didn't do this in the 80s was G.I. Joe. Well, because it just seemed stupid to have kids running around on military bases and handling explosive weapons. However, they got around that part with their PSAs. Thankfully, Dinosaucers was probably one of the very few 80s shows that decided not to include a PSA.

I mean, seriously, anthro-dinos talking about saying 'no' to drugs probably would have gotten more laughs than anything else that's on the show. Also, mostly because Dinosaucers really didn't have any life lessons to begin with in their episodes. Though it did go into the "dinosaurs" (in quotes because there are a few members of each factions who are not dinosaurs at all) going through culture shock, learning about Earth's cultures and some times the Secret Scouts would learn about Reptilionian cultures such as what holidays they celebrated.

However, it was not so much as culture shock as it was just learning and accepting each other's differences. Though there was the one episode where David was being a but of a joker, but ends up being captured by the Tyrannos, along with his other friends, and only his rocket board landing in Lavadome (the base of the Dinosaucers). Allo makes a rather "racist" (speciest?) remark as to humans not being like Dinosaucers as in "perfect in every way." Ouch, Allo! Yeah, the prefect role model for our kids, eh? Thank god I didn't buy into that statement when I heard it. Damned theropod.

Well, speaking of the Secret Scouts. Recruiting teenagers with attitude aside and this being the 80s, it's expected for children to be drafted by the good faction to help them fight the evil faction. Because it was the 80s and that's the only explanation we ever get. However, let's really take a look at them. The Dinosaucers find the twins Ryan and Sara Spencer as well as their two friends, David and their token black friend Paul (both surnames left blank) at night in the woods.

At least that's what the opening suggests. We never get the first episode of when the Dinosaucers met the four pre-teens (I call them pre-teens because though they look like they're 16, neither of them appear to be driving cars except for motorcycles built by the Dinosaucers) and any sort of episode of debate between the four humans as to whether or not they should trust these aliens from another world. I mean after all, most of the Dinosaucers appear to be 12-15 feet tall, Bronto Thunder being the tallest in the group because of his long neck. That should have been the first episode.

But instead, we have the episode where they go to a "Lost World" of sorts where dinosaurs from the various periods that dinosaurs existed on Earth still reside...giving the finger to the asteroid that killed off the others. Take it Yucatan Asteroid! Take it in the ass! Well, still the whole backstory on how the Secret Scouts met the Dinosaucers, what would drive the Dinosaucers to recruit them for their war instead of just telling the kids that if the kids told their parents about who they saw in the forest their parents wouldn't believe them. Oh well.

Speaking of the parents, we only see one set of parents in this show and that's Ryan and Sara's parents. And yes, they are as clueless as any adult should be in an 80s cartoon where the teens or pre-teens are a part of the main cast and the rest of the cast are a bunch of dinosaurs...or whatever monsters. Adults are useless is definitely used frequently when an adult is around. It's no wonder why the Dinosaucers have yet to go to one.

And the Dinosaucers even give the kids some sort of technology in the form of rings that could tap into their biology and make them super strong and fast and also capable of leaping great heights. No idea as to why they give them these rings or why these rings are conveniently human-sized. Though it could be speculated that they created the rings after they met the kids. However in the opening, it appeared when Allo shook Ryan's hand, the kid automatically gets the ring on his finger.

But that's an 80's opening for you, always just rushing in a backstory in order to give the kids something to fall back on when they get confused. I mean, He-Man just flat out said what it was all about right in the beginning as well. Though mentioned in That Guy with the Glasses as being the #1 theme that tells all, I think Dinosaucers comes close. Though what really gets me about the whole kids concept is that in reality, this wouldn't work.

And we're talking about anthropomorphic dinosaucers who ride around in space ships. Yeah, that's realistic. But aside from that, the dinosaur thing could be an example of speculative fiction if actually taken into a serious light, but the Dinosaucers wouldn't look to kids for help in their war, they would most likely either try to keep themselves secret or go to a benevolent Earth government that could help them.

After all, whatever it is that Earth has, the Tyrannos want it and they're willing to do what it takes to get it. It would make sense that the Dinosaucers would attempt to ally themselves with a mutual local military force that they could trust in order to stop the Tyrannos. But because the Tyrannos are nothing more than incompetent morons, really...how dangerous are these guys to truly give a government any sort of worry?

Which leaves us with the Tyrannos. What made the Tyrannos come to Earth? Because it's there? Good enough explanation for the kids anyway. At first it was for conquering purposes. After all, the heads of the Dinosaucer faction on Reptilon don't really want to give up their side of the planet to the Tyrannos, so it's best to look elsewhere. Why didn't they just go outside the Sol System? Earth is close. Makes sense. Earth doesn't have the advanced level of technology that the Reptilonians have, so easy pickings. But the Tyrannos send just a team to go to Earth and attempt to conquer it instead of sending an armada.

And that is where they are FAIL when it comes to villains. Rex is hilarious, but he's also inept. The only reason why he's the intelligent one in the group is because all the others are relatively stupid around him or just really don't care which way or another. Take Ankylo for a second. Seriously, take him! I've never met a more whiny-sounding grunt of a lackey in all my life. Aside from Starscream, of course. However, unlike Starscream who had a motive to overthrow Megatron, Ankylo just serves to be Rex's ventilation of anger. The show rides on "Everything with Dinosaurs is Cooler" trope, however they could have upped the ante with a full scale attack from the Tyrannos' warships blowing shit up. If G.I. Joe can get away with explosions during the beginning reign of the soccer mom, Dinosaucers could too, right?

Rex could have been this really big-assed, bad, scary villain who looks at Earth as either something he should take over and make slaves out of the primitive hairless apes, or see humans as a food source to munch on, or hell, just see Earth as in the way and wants it to blow up. If it was all about the resources that Earth had, he could have plotted to get rid of humanity so he could reap the riches later. But no, at the first start, it appears he's after riches. Yeah, you got that right, Rex was after riches. That's why he wanted to go find diamonds in the second episode. Later it was the precious Unobtanium...I mean dinocium...and then it was...because Princess Dei wanted to conquer it. Yeah.

Those three things, that's it. Though, there was one episode which had Major Clifton in it that showed Rex using a ray gun to fossilize the planet. Yeah, that's the only real major damage that could potentially make him a true threat that he has ever done. This guy is a joke. And the other Tyrannos are not so much different. And all Quackpot wants to do is cause harmful pranks. And that's another sort of PSA-ish episode that could have had a PSA at the end, but didn't. Guess the episode was enough to say the message.

Finally, we go to the show's protagonists and title faction, the Dinosaucers themselves. Though I like Allo and Bronto Thunder and maybe Teryx and Dimetro, the Dinosaucers as fleshed out characters themselves are bland as hell. At least the Tyrannos have some bit of personality. Rex is funny as fuck to watch especially when he's about to crack over his failures, Quakpot is at times a hoot to watch with his pranks on everyone including his own team mates.

But the Dinosaucers are just bland. Dimetro and Bronto Thunder appear to have some amount of character. Allo is just...well, he's the leader and that's all we need to know. Running joke with Commander Allo is in his name. Since his name sounds like a way of saying "hello" many people think when hearing the world "allo" they're hearing someone greeting them. "Allo, Allo." Though it is rarely noted about what Allo's rank happens to be, I think the one episode that truly points it out is when Bonehead's mother shows up for a visit. It's pretty obvious that Allo's rank is commander, but the rank of the Dinosaucers are still a little fuzzy.

I suppose since Allo is the commander, that makes Bronto the lieutenant-commander if we're going off of Navy officer ranks. Dimetro is just a lieutenant same with Teryx and maybe Tricero shares this rank as well. Ichy could be either an ensign or a first-lieutenant. I suppose Bonehead and Stego are just enlisted men but it begs to ask where the NCOs are as well in this military/scientific team. Works for me! Allo's the down to Earth leader who seems to pull things together when the other Dinosaucers ramble on, especially with the idiotic antics of Stego and Bonehead. Makes me wonder why they were drafted in the first place.

I'd think the Dinosaucers would have a standard of letting in mentally handicapped personnel on scientific and diplomatic missions. Stego and Bonehead are grunts, so, they should be treated as such. Give them a gun, point to a Tyranno and say "Bad guy, shoot him" and they'll do it. Seriously, why are these two there?!

The Tyrannos have more intelligence than these two. Makes my head hurt to think about it, really. Well, setting aside Bonehead and Stego's intelligence, I have to focus on why the Dinosaucers showed up on Earth as well. Most answers point to it being the Tyrannos, however, in the first episodes, it appeared they were in fact on a scientific mission to Earth. Allo's team was sent to Earth to discover exactly what happened to the Earth dinosaurs.

This was hinted maybe once or twice in the series. The first episode had it, obviously, and the episode where the Reptilonians saw their first snow suggested it as well. But then, that was dropped. It was also hinted they were after dinosium as well, but it was to keep it out of Tyranno claws. In the final episode basically it was hinted because the Dinosaucers were connected to their human companions and that was why they were told to stay. I don't know, I just suspect it was because there was nothing else to do on Reptilon, so that's why they came to Earth.

Now, let's look at the whole dinosaur thing as a whole. Everything in Dinosaucers are stated to be dinosaurs, whether or not they are. Except for the Sabortooths, who are evil because they are cats. So evil that the Tyrannos had no choice but to team up with the Dinosaucers. Apparently dinosaurs and cats don't get along. Those evil, evil cats! Even dinosaurs fear them. But in Dinosaucers everything is a dinosaur all because it is a prehistoric animal.

The Sabortooths are the only ones from the Age of Mammals, or the Cenozoic Era. Most of the so-called dinosaurs which include the actual dinosaurs themselves are from the Mesozoic Era, however each one coming from different periods, such as Bronto Thunder being an apatosaurus which is a Jurassic sauropod. Allo is an Allosaurus, a Jurassic theropod. Genghis Rex and Tricero are dinosaurs from the Cretaceous. However, we get the literal oddball of the group, the only relative to the mammals that is in the Dinosaucer faction, Dimetro. Dimetro is a Dimetrodon, a synapsid from the Paleozoic Era.

The synapsid is the ancient ancestor of the mammals, having a hole behind the eye and two different types of teeth. I wouldn't put it passed them to have whiskers and a slight down of fur in some point of their life. Most likely, they have skin rather than scales patterned by scutes like the leathery, dimply look of armadillos or a rat's tail. Dimetro was classified to be a dinosaur to the children mostly because kids that age would not understand the difference between an actual dinosaur and a synapsid, even with the "four things what makes a dinosaur" rule. They still would not have any concept of it. It was just easier on their forming brains to lump Dimetro in with the other dinosaurs, so the writers had no choice in doing so. Or, it could be that the writers knew nothing about what a dimetrodon really was and decided to make paleontologists cry.

Either way, Dimetro is a distinct relative to the Secret Scouts whether he wants to admit it or not. Maybe that's why he feels a slight connection. I dunno. I'm reading into a kid's show a little too much here. But to bring science into this, by the time true dinosaurs showed up on Earth, synapsids like Dimetro's closer relatives, were finally wiped out in the greatest extinction record on Earth, the Permian-Triassic Extinction Event. The only relatives to Dimetro that appeared to have survived were in fact Lystrosaurus, who later became the ancestors to the rodents, the first mammals in the late Triassic. It was the late Triassic that the first dinosaurs showed up and most of them were rather tiny. Dimetrodon was long gone since then. So, why is Dimetro here? I have no idea. Again to make paleontologists cry.

I suppose the Counter-Earth thing could also make astronomers cry, but if handled properly, it could work. Hell, my astrophysicist friend wrote a poem about it, so it isn't all that much to cry over.

If you really want to make a paleontologist cry, mention that Allo, who is an Allosaurus is in fact Bonehead's, a Pachycephalosaurus' uncle. They would be bawwing up and down the road. HOW THE HELL DID THE WRITERS DECIDE THIS?! These two characters are from two different geneses, let alone species.

Fuck, one's a meat eater and the other is a plant eater. Allo, is there something you're hiding from us about your parents? Put this guy on an afternoon talk show with Jerry Springer and I'm certain we'll get something out.

Did he marry a Pachycephalosaurus? His wife Vera doesn't look like it. She looks relatively like another Allosaurus. Oh, that's another joke on Allo's name. Allo and Vera...Aloe Vera! Puns! God, the puns. The puns. Yes, the Nostalgia Chick is right, no one likes puns. However, the whole relationship between these two was only touched on in one episode, otherwise, Bonehead went back to being pretty much an enlisted soldier...or whatever he is on this team. Seriously, he doesn't seem to have any sort of purpose than to just piss everyone including level-headed Allo off.

So, yeah, Allosaurus = Pachycephalosaurus' uncle. Bet they didn't teach you that in class, did they? Let's not forget the love relationship between Teryx and Ichy. Of course Teryx did state that she feels it wouldn't work because she flies and he swims. Well, apparently it works between a meat-eater and a veggie-eater, so, suck it up, hypocrites. You guys already screwed up natural science! Though Teryx did at one time kinda sorta fell in love with a human while she was human, or at least was disguised as one, but that's it.

And let's talk about the disguises. Only in one episode, the one with Teryx going to a Halloween dance...I think. It was a costume dance, and Teryx some sort of magic ray to make her look human and also dressed in a costume.

She meets up with a guy and they end up crushing on each other. Teryx was dressed as Cinderella after she was given the gown. The ray ended up also dressing the Tyrannos Genghis Rex, Ankylo, and Brachio up as the Evil Step-Mother Lady Tremaine and the two Ugly Step-sisters Anastasia and Drizella.

I'm guessing Ankylo is Anastasia and Brachio is Drizella. But the ray did not make them human perfectly, let alone make them change genders. They just ended up looking like drag-queen dinosaurs. However, the ray turned Teryx completely human until it wore off at midnight a la Cinderella logic. This was the only episode that featured one Dinosaucer attempting at a technology that could give her a perfect disguise.

Of course the Tyrannos tried something similar later with Styraco hoping that he could create the perfect disguise. It ended up turning Styraco into a teenager. Shouldn't it turn him into an adult. Guess they were going for teens so they could get at the Secret Scouts...or something. Actually that episode was so that Rex could disguise one of his minions to go in and steal Paul's invention.

So, they had to become a teenage human to do so. Still, if they had the technology perfected, they could walk around as adults. Despite these two attempts at perfect human disguises, both Reptilionian factions tried to blend in with human society by just wearing street clothes. But not just any street clothes, the street clothes of the 80s! I think the crowning moment of awesome was Genghis Rex in the episode where Dimetro goes to the Secret Scouts' high school out of boredom. Rex and his team dress up in outlandish 80s clothing, and that's saying a lot considering it being the 80s.

However, Rex himself decided to dress up as DAVID BOWIE! You heard me. Why? Why? Because he's that awesome and can pull off the look. Right down to the blond eyebrows and blond spiky hair. Now let's see Rex play in Labyrinth wearing rather tight looking tights accenting certain areas and I'm sure many furries would be sold. It's every furry dream. However, just wearing street clothes is just it.

They wear nothing else to attempt to disguise themselves. Though Tricero and Teryx attempted to wear burkas on an archeological trip to Egypt. ANd they got away with it because that is what most WOMEN wear down there. So, Tricero is a cross-dresser? Who knew? But it was to make sure their faces are covered and no one would see that well...they have teeth or a beak under there. It's to disguise their non-human faces.

However, when in the US, the Dinosaucers especially, when in disguise, never disguise their faces. It's like Superman and the hypno-glasses or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and their trench coats and fedora hats. Some how, it works. They keep their tails covered though, but anyone with a pair of eyes to see can see that 12-foot all man standing near the door isn't human! I mean, these guys aren't human-sized.

They don't even fit in cars. So, perhaps humanity is easily fooled, or maybe the soccer moms have taken over in that universe and no one is allowed to comment on looks. PC rules all! But in all truth, yeah...they're not fooling anyone with that fedora hat and coat. But somehow, it works, and people buy it. Go figure.

Lifting the nostalgia goggles on this one was difficult, but not impossible. There is a lot of things wrong with this series, but it was a memorable one for those who managed to catch it in its 65 episode entirety. I have all of the episodes on DVD and I still enjoy them. However, what I pointed out is only a few of the many eye-rolling mistakes or plot holes in the show. Just dig deep into the kid inside of you and you will still love this show no matter the mistakes. It's what we get from DIC and it's certainly better than some of the other crap they managed to produce during that time.

....yeah. Totally bored.

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MDTartist83

Edited Feb 4, 2021

Excellently written and put together. Very good observations and analysis on the show's flaws. Indeed, for as much as I am a fan of the series, Dinosaucers is NOT a perfect show. It does have a lot of plotholes and inconsistencies. And without a doubt, there's a lot of things about the show that could have been better thought out and handled better. And I think you have good points in your argument regarding its highs and lows. Granted, Dinosaucers has a special place in my heart for nostalgic value (since I used to watch this show when I was a kid). But as you grow up, the flaws in a production become obvious. I'm nostalgic, but I'm not blind in nostalgia. At best, Dinosaucers is a cult series with a certain number of fans. But it wasn't a big hitter.